Yes You Are! How to be Beautiful Without Even Trying
By Brian Norris

You have it tough, don't you?

Juggling a full-time job. Orchestrating monthly finances. Maintaining a clean (maybe even organized) home. Carving out a few precious minutes to sneak in time to shop for food at the impossible to find a parking spot grocery store. Playing the role of goddess, manager, mother, sibling, lover, significant other, best friend, healer, accountant, do-it-yourselfer, and shrink. And yet, society has the audacity to expect you to be beautiful too!

Just consider the average women's morning ritual....

Most of us men generally need only to crawl out of bed (after pressing the snooze button on the alarm clock or cell phone for the seventh time), jump in the shower, shave, dab on a bit of hair gel and cologne, peruse though the closet for the first pressed shirt, pair of pants and shoes that seem to match and it's out the door.

For many women, it's a bit more complex ritual....

• Get up earlier (after only two snooze button moves).

• Take a shower before someone else uses all the hot water (being sure to use the proper shampoo and conditioner especially designed for fine, color-treated, want-lots-of-volume hair).

• Shave or Veet legs, armpits and other areas on an as-needed basis.

• Pumice stone feet and check cuticles, finger and toe nails.

• Apply various face elixirs; one for the pre-application, one for tightening pores, one for concealing laugh lines, one for treating potential blackheads, one for fuller lips, another for radiant eyebrows and eyelids and still another for camouflaging those darn circles beneath the eyes. While you're at it, the new MAC potion for Egyptian cheekbones. Every application has its own proprietary technique, complete with proprietary brushes, hooks, swabs and cotton ball thingys.

• After moussing, spraying, scrunching, blowing and arranging your hair, visit the panties and bra shrine (be sure they match in case of a car accident or mid-afternoon lovemaking session with your significant other). The tough questions must be answered. Will it be push-up, miracle, or natural? Will it be lace, Lycra or cotton? Will it be thong, full or slimming?

• Now start part three of the morning ritual, the trip to the Closet of "I Have Nothing to Wear!" Search for the perfect ensemble of clothing and shoes to match your flawlessly painted face. Hundreds of designers scream for your attention. And none of the shoes are even comfortable ... but they make you ankles look thinner and pay for your foot doctor's retirement. Somehow you'll ignore the blisters, lack of circulation and bloodied heels. After all, shoes make the world complete!

After several years observing women (as a friend with benefits, boyfriend, lover and husband) I've decoded the mathematical formula women apply in putting together the ideal outfit:

  time of day
+ time of month
+ season
- what the other women at work wore yesterday
+ what you favorite fashion magazine proclaimed was the hottest trend
x how you feel today
+ how you want others to thing you feel today
x where you're going
+ how long
x who you want to wish they were you
+ how much you want them to wonder how you could afford what you're wearing
- how much time you have to actually think about what you want to wear after you finish complaining about how few clothes you have
- the time you spend wondering how just last week you were a size less and today you can't get single leg into those new pants
_____________________

= The perfect outfit for the next eight hours!

Then it's time to accessorize by diving into the bottomless "I-had-ta-have-this" repository of bracelets, earrings, necklaces, rings, pendants, beads, crystals and precious metals.

Finally, find something with zero carbs, zero fat, zero sugar, lots of vitamins and no taste and continue with your workday and various family responsibilities.

Women you must be efficient, patient ... and oh so beautiful. I'm convinced that women would rule the world, if only they weren't so preoccupied with what the other women next them was wearing.

Page through any issue of Cosmo or Redbook or Vanity Fair or even Women's Day. Flip through just half an hours worth of commercials on virtually any TV channel, and you can't avoid being jabbed with an endless parade of images perpetuating the myth of the perfect woman (a fluid image that changes every few hours to maximize revenues in the dozens of "look" industries) -- from hair to skin to teeth to butt to legs to shoes and everything in between.

Add to that the constant barrage of images in the media featuring models who haven't eaten in weeks, or the proliferation of botox, collagen and Radiance specialists, plastic surgeons who are more than happy to "adjust" you in the name of beauty and foot doctors ready to lengthen a toe to make those impossible pointy Jimmy Choo shoes fit.

One you've watched this cascade of models and celebrity of the moments hawk the establishments version of beauty, believing in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy is far easier.

For all the madness of trying to morph from one look to another, I come to you with a simple truth. You are beautiful just the way you are.

You don't need a single speck of Clinique makeup or a single pigment of dye to cover your roots. You are already beautiful, every inch of you, a living shrine to the innate divinity that resides in every molecule of your body.

To the dismay of Madison Avenue, cosmetic surgeons and all of the clothing designers who want you and the millions of women across the globe to believe that beauty is defined by body measurements and the amount of money you spend on clothing, you are beautiful by virtue of who you are and how your interact with the world around you!

Six simple put powerful suggestions for looking (and feeling) beautiful without even trying:

1. Begin with your mindset and perceptions.

Reality is shaped by our perceptions and beliefs. Two people in the same environment will interpret the world very differently. Does a sunny day make you drone solemnly, run indoors and wish for cooler weather?

Or does it make you look forward to romantic picnics, afternoons at the beach and hiatuses from work? Same day … very different outlooks. In the same fashion, you are in complete control of how you perceive yourself. Your self-image manifests itself physically and emotionally. Generally, people will see you as you want to be seen.

How many women do you know who light up a room just by walking into it? Chances you're one of them. Ask people to describe someone like you and they use words like confident, energetic, positive, good-natured, and intelligent. You can't buy these traits in a store. They come though facing life head on, using positive affirmations and by proactively surrounding yourself with ideas and information that challenges, motivates and inspires you.

Sure, everyone has days where they just want to be alone. But by focusing on the upside to every opportunity and surrounding yourself with people who strive to do the same, your internal beauty will express itself in everything you do.

External beauty is fleeting. In a single breath it's gone from you forever. When it's gone, the real you has a chance to be seen. The loving, sensual, freckled you. The feeling, honest, fractured you. In the final analysis, physical beauty alone lacks the true majesty of a complete person who likes, loves and respects themselves.

2. Spend some time with people who appreciate you just the way you are.

It's mind boggling to me that so many women go to such great lengths trying to look like, talk like or act like someone completely different from who they really are. Whether you're single or currently in a relationship, you need to be comfortable being real around others. It does you and your lovers no good to be anything anyone other than who you really are.

The key is to practice being who you are around men and women who won't judge you, ridicule you or expect you to put on a show.

As a male massage practitioner, I spend many hours massaging women of all body types. Each client is beautiful and unique just as she is. Massage sessions are emotionally therapeutic because they allow you to get comfortable having fun again without the pressures of intimacy. Massage sessions also allow you to practice connecting with others, and just being yourself -- subtle dysfunctions included.

3. Compare yourself to you.

Many individuals spend their existence trying to emulate someone else. We live in a world of comparisons. Ironically, though, every person on this planet is different mentally, physically and emotionally (even identical twins). So why tear the pages from a fashion magazine because you want to look "just like the person in the magazine"? There can only be one Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Michele Pfeiffer. Rather than wishing for a celebrity's hair, skin, clothing or bust size, celebrate your individuality.

You say your hips are too big or your legs are too thick? Compared to who? You say you have too many freckles or that your eyes aren't the "right" color? What universal law spells out the exact level of skin pigmentation or the optimal gene for blue eyes? At the end of the day and there is no one in the room but you, then and only then, is the correct number of people present to determine whether you're gorgeous or not. There's really no such thing as a Plain Jane.

4. When selecting your wardrobe and accessories, stick with timeless essentials.

Women's fashion is a torturous affair. Keeping up with the last trends and fads can drive you mad and max out your credit card -- fast. One of the secrets to perennial beauty is to simply drop out of the fad marathon. Fill your closet with clothing that seldom goes out of style.

Additionally, invest in apparel that is well-made so that you never have to be torn between wearing an outfit that you paid too much for or tossing it. Instead of hunting after the hottest designers, focus on how well the outfit compliments your features. Shop for quality by checking for uneven seams, hems and poorly constructed zippers. Test for wrinkle resistance and to see how well you can bend and function normally in your clothing.

Be honest with yourself. If you've gained a few inches since high school or college, so what? Bypass the too tight size six and get the better looking, and more comfortable ten. If those heels hurt when you try them on, chances are they'll always hurt. No one else will have to endure the pain but you. And don't rationalize by how long you'll have to stand in the shoes either. It isn't worth it. It stands to reason that since beauty is more dependent upon how you feel, invest in clothing and accessories that makes you feel good.

5. Nourish your body, mind and soul.

I especially admire women who refrain from painting their faces in layers. It strikes me as a low self-esteem issue when women have to hide behind an inch of foundation, layers of lip goo, painted on eyebrows and half a tub of wrinkle concealer before walking out the front door. Instead, it seems the best approach revolves around a little foundation, a light blush and a subtle lip gloss for even the most fancy occasions.

Invest in natural conditioners and moisturizers to keep your hair healthy and your skin supple. Clear skin is a much better alternative to caking your face and clogging your pores with makeup to hide pesky pimples. Rather than masking your innate beauty, use makeup sparingly to compliment your natural features.

We've all heard the popular saying, "Garbage in, garbage out." Keep this perennial truth in mind. The body tries to create a sense of balance by processing water and nutrients and eliminating harmful or unnatural materials. The body takes whatever steps necessary to eliminate dirt, bacteria, useless fats and oils and excessive sugars and additives. Pimples, blotches, blackheads, warts and infections are often the byproducts of poor body maintenance.

Next time you pull into your favorite fast-food place think how what your body will have to go through to deal with that greasy burger, fried chicken or poor excuse for a burrito. Drink water instead of soda or sugar-laden fruit juices. Eliminate the majority of sugar from your diet. Even the artificial sweeteners have been shown to cause depression, anxiety, acne, word-recall problems and poisoning on a cellular level.

Exercise religiously. Walking burns fat calories wonderfully. Make love frequently. Laugh a lot. 100 hearty laughs has the same effect of 30 minutes of strenuous rowing.

Get into a regular massage routine. Massage is awesome because it gives you a drug-free way to stay healthy, happy and focused. I suggest twice a month if you're experiencing higher than average stress or body pain. A once a week session is also good to reconnect your body and soul and to help you to jumpstart the healing process necessary to enter into strong relationships. Scheduling at least one 90-minute full body session a month is a decent way to manage your stress, escape from the craziness of the world, and keep your energy channels open,

All of these activities stimulate the production of seratonin and endorphins.High seratonin levels thwart the effects of depression. Exercise anyway you can get it. Doing so keeps your heart healthy, your mind clear and your waistline in control.

Enhance your nutritional intake with a daily vitamin routine. Men and women alike are generally too hurried to find the time to eat everything necessary to get the proper dosage of natural vitamins. Your body is your temple; be mindful of what you expose it to. That includes the people you let near it, and the food, drugs and drink you put into it. Twenty years from now, your body will reflect those days of tanning without sunscreen, drinking the appletinis every night at the club, or smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. It's your body, respect it.

Finally, read daily. Limit your exposure to the gossip mags and tabloids. Visit a bookstore or library and find a book on a subject you're deeply interested in. Share what you learn with others. Keep reading (yes...audiobooks are great too), everyday, for at least 20 minutes. Find time to be alone. Even if it's in your car, or in the bathroom, or alone in your cubicle. Silence is one of the most healing melodies in the world.

For your spiritual growth, study the sacred texts of various faiths and come to your own conclusions. Let your words and actions be the primary tools used to model and communicate your value systems. Communicate with the Creator daily. The Creator is accessible 24/7 to every person. No intermediaries need be present to converse with the universe and ask for wisdom, protection and discipline.

6. Learn to smile.

In a recent study, men and women of all age demographics were asked what makes someone beautiful. An overwhelming majority responded that above all else, it was a great smile. Try it more often and you'll find your own self-image improving as well. You'll work less too. Research shows that it takes twice as much energy to frown than to crack a smile. Next in the survey responses came personality, sense of humor and approachability.

Don't let anyone tell you that beauty comes in a vial of cream or a tube of lipstick. That $600 dress, though flattering, does not make you attractive. Rather, your spirit and passion are the true litmus for beauty. As you successfully navigate your way through another hectic day of workplace and household pressures, look into the mirror and see yourself as the beautiful woman you already are.

And for an even clearer vision, stare into the eyes of your loved ones and behold the difference that your presence in their lives has made. Surround yourself with positive influences. Listen to your internal voice. You are beautiful. You are desirable. You are unique. You are special!

Brian is the author of Escape Life Sucks Syndrome and owner of Milwaukee's Best Massage. You may reach Brian by calling 414-898-1905 or by email.

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